Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Welcome to Milktoastlandia on Planet Pussy....

So I know the days of Steve McQueen, Bogey, Lee Marvin, Chuck Bronson etc are over, but puh-lease! The pussification of society has got to stop! 'Alterno'-kids with Beiber doos and their sisters' pants are everywhere playing Warped Tour Pop about girls and emotions and feeling alienated for being a suburban wuss... The world is brainwashed into 1st of all- GIVING A FUCK about Charlie Sheen at ALL, and secondly, buying into all this Dr. Drew-esque propaganda about drugs are always bad, and anyone who does em is 'sick' with a 'disease'. On top of all that, Cap'n Crunch is being phased out.

Look man, people need to start thinking like Vince McMahon! Tiger Woods for example: Instead of making him drop out, apologize, and admit he has a 'problem', they shoulda just started running with it; I can see it now, he enters the green driven on an entirely flat-black golf cart driven by a dude dressed like Rob Halford, with 5 hot blondes draped all around it, Slayer's "Haunting The Chapel" blasting... He gets off the cart as one of the chicks takes his blunt and his forty, and he tosses his cape to the Halford dude. As he walks on, pyrotechnics EXPLODE behind him... He makes his first shot, snaps the club over his knee, pounds a forty and flips off the camera. THAT'S FUCKING SHOWMANSHIP, and he captures the hearts and minds of a whole new fanbase!

Cap'n Crunch, I'm sad to say, will be sorely missed- but why not just change the marketing strategy? Show a dude in his mid 20's to mid 30's on a couch in his boxers watching cartoons at 3pm chowin down on a bowl o' the Cap'n, with a bong sitting next to the box and a semi crushed aluminum beer can with ciggy butts stickin outta the spout.

CBS or whatever should offer Charlie Sheen a new show called 2 Hos and a Tiger Blooded F-18... too long? How about "Winning"? Put it on HBO or Showtime. Not a reality show, but a comedy with reality elements like Curb, or Entourage. I know he's a pompous asshat, but just because he fucks starlets and does blow is no reason to blacklist him... SHIT! There was a time when we EXPECTED that kind of behavior from our celebritards!

Seriously folx, nut up or shut up... REALLY!

P>S>- anyone who can afford a ton of blow and two pornstars and flyin around the world with em, doesn't 'need help'; They need a clone!


  1. I find it rather refreshing that Charlie Sheen isn't apologizing and going to rehab -- all celebrities do and it's all bs. I mean, yeah, he's going to most likely die, but he'll have a good time doing it. But that is a SERIOUS bummer about Cap'n Crunch, ripping off the roof of your mouth and all...

  2. I want a goddess to do my laundry